Belonging
Group belonging. Unity.I've been seeking this all my life but have only experienced it temporarily twice. I think I crave group belonging because I grew up in a large family (big group) but it always seemed to me I was on the outside looking in.
The first time I experienced real belonging was when I was in third grade. We'd just moved and I had started in a new school. One girl, Tina, befriended me. She belonged to a group of about 8 girls. Eventually she became my advocate and mediator to the group, working for my inclusion. I remember the girls having to conference over it - then they said yes, I was in! I hung out with them the rest of the school year. Then it ended. The next year my parents decided to switch me to another elementary school in the same district. My belonging ended.
The other time I experienced belonging of all things was when I worked as a waitress for Red Lobster in Tucson, Arizona. We all hung out together with no separation - the wait staff, bussers, cooks, prep workers, dishwashers, even management to some extent. When we worked, it flowed so smoothly. We all helped each other, covering each other and helping out where ever one was overwhelmed. Teamwork across the board. I think a good deal had to do with our general managers willingness to get into the thick of things and serve us by helping all of us in any way we needed. I felt like I belonged and was accepted, that I mattered and was important to the group and their efforts at serving our customers well. Then my sister wanted to move back to Michigan and I didn't want to stay in Tucson by myself, so I moved back here too. My experience of belonging ended there too.
I read a series as a teen called "Thomas Covenant: The Unbeliever". He became a leper and started saying something to himself alot. "Leper, outcast, unclean." It was a reflection of how he saw himself and how he perceived others to relate to him.
It sometimes feels like mine - "leper, outcast, unclean" - when I feel like I don't belong. In the Bible we're told that lepers couldn't be touched. Lepers couldn't live in the city (community), but had to live outside its walls. Living on the outside looking in longingly, desiring to belong and be included. This is how I see being on the outside of a group, not belonging.
There are people who build walls and don't let "lepers" in - keeping them at a distance, like the walls around a city. There are also those who make sure the "leper" gets out and/or stays out of the city by casting stones and shunning them. This too happens in groups, whether the group as a whole does this or individuals withing the group do this to a "leper". (Don't think I'm above doing this - I too have been guilty of being both a wall builder and a stone thrower. I only hope that I'll do this less and less with time by God's grace.)
I pray with Jesus that "we may all be one". I don't know if there'll be any belonging that's more than temporary until Christ returns. I hope so - but if not I'll just have to wait. Until then I will probably still find myself on occasion saying to myself "leper, outcast, unclean". I will also occasionally find myself within the beauty of belonging.
Note:
After speaking with a friend of mine, I wanted to add that being in a group ALL the time isn't healthy - we need balance. One-on-one time is also needed and hungered for because a person can't develop deeper relationships in a group setting, not like we can in a one-on-one relationship. Balance. :)
posted by Colleen @ 4:39 PM
4 Comments:
sometimes people can make themselves into "lepers" because that is how they perceive themselves even if others don't. they speak it so much they begin to believe it and others believe it too. sometimes i have this problem.
I obviously do at times too. I'm so thankful for you & Anna & Leslie. You're all so accepting of me. I sometimes feel a little funny because of my age but I know you all don't even look at that.
Colleen,
You don't look a day over 24, and I know you don't feel like it either! "Age" is a relative thing! :)
colleen you really do have great youthful skin and hair! you are only as old as you are on the inside. like, barak doesn't act like a 43 yr old and i'm always forgetting his real age. same with you. you are...YOU. that's what we see and like! :)
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